Getting married is one of the most significant decisions you’ll ever make. While love, commitment, and shared dreams often form the foundation of a marriage, finances play an equally critical role. However, many couples shy away from discussing money, thinking it’s not romantic or that it might cause unnecessary tension. Yet, research shows that financial problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. So, isn’t it wise to have these conversations before you get married?

I get it, money conversations may not be the most exciting part of your wedding planning, but they can prevent future stress and misunderstandings. By asking the right questions, you can set the stage for a strong financial partnership and avoid unpleasant surprises down the road.

To help you get started, here are ten essential money questions to ask your partner before you get married. These will ensure that both of you are on the same financial page and help avoid any unpleasant surprises later on.

1. What are your earliest memories of money?

Understanding each other’s financial background is crucial for building a solid foundation. Did your parents talk openly about money, or was it a taboo subject? Was money a source of conflict in the household? Or were finances managed smoothly? These early experiences can significantly shape your attitudes and behaviours towards money as an adult.

For example, if your partner grew up in a household where money was a constant worry, they might be more inclined to save, budget meticulously, or feel anxious about financial risk. On the other hand, if money was never a topic of concern in their upbringing, they might take a more relaxed approach, perhaps even taking financial stability for granted.

Exploring your partner’s money story will give you insights into their financial mindset and help you understand how they’ve arrived at their current beliefs and values. You’ll also get a better sense of how your partner perceives money, whether as a tool for security or freedom, and how that may affect your joint financial planning.

Talking about how you experienced money growing up is one of the areas that I explore with my clients in the coaching programme Discover Financial Success As A Married Couple. For more information leave a comments below and Iet’s schedule a 30 minute – no obligation complimentary call.

2. Do you consider yourself good with money?

This might sound like a simple question, but it’s an important one. Self-perception around money management can vary. Your partner might consider themselves good with money because they never overspend, but you may find their lack of investment planning concerning. This is an opportunity for both of you to openly and honestly evaluate your financial habits.

Be prepared for different perspectives. The goal here isn’t to judge, but rather to understand each other’s financial competence. You can then discuss how you can support each other in areas where improvement is needed. For instance, one of you might be great at budgeting but unsure about long-term investment strategies, while the other may excel at building savings but struggle with daily expense tracking.

A good strategy for this conversation is to take a neutral approach by asking follow-up questions like, “What does being good with money mean to you?” This can open up a broader conversation about financial values, leading to a more balanced partnership where both parties contribute their strengths.

3. How do you feel about debt?

Debt is a common issue for many individuals, whether it’s student loans, credit card debt, or a mortgage. Some people are comfortable with carrying debt for years, while others may strive to eliminate it as quickly as possible. Different types of debt can carry varying emotional weight, and understanding your partner’s relationship with debt is crucial for your joint financial future.

If your partner has debt, ask about their plan for paying it off. Are they actively working on reducing it, or are they comfortable maintaining a balance? Their approach to debt will affect your future financial planning as a couple, especially if you plan to take out joint loans or mortgages.

It’s also a good idea to discuss how debt might affect your lifestyle choices. For example, if you are focused on aggressively paying off loans, this could mean tighter budgeting or postponing big purchases like a house or car. On the other hand, if both of you are comfortable carrying certain types of debt, you may be more inclined to invest in other areas, such as travel or home improvements.

Read more: How to pay off credit card debt – fast

4. How much do you save and invest each month?

Saving and investing are vital components of financial stability and long-term growth. Ask your partner about their saving habits and whether they invest in stocks, retirement accounts, or other assets. Some people may focus on short-term savings for things like holidays or new gadgets, while others might prioritise long-term investments for retirement or future property purchases.

It’s important to align your goals here, especially if one of you is more financially cautious while the other tends to be more carefree with spending. Saving consistently, even in small amounts, can make a big difference in the long run. Discuss how you would handle future income increases – would you both continue to save and invest proportionally, or would one of you want to spend more?

Additionally, talk about risk tolerance when it comes to investing. If one of you prefers safer, low-risk investments like bonds or savings accounts, while the other enjoys higher-risk ventures such as stocks or cryptocurrencies, it’s important to find a balanced approach that suits both your comfort levels.

5. How much do you earn?

This may feel like a tricky question, but transparency about income is crucial when you’re entering a marriage. Understanding how much you both earn will help you both budget realistically, plan for future expenses, and ensure you’re aligned in terms of lifestyle choices.

Remember, it’s not about how much they make, but rather how honest you are with each other about your finances. Income disparities are common in relationships, but it’s how you manage them together that counts. If one partner earns significantly more, you’ll want to discuss how that affects your contributions to joint expenses, as well as individual discretionary spending.

You might also want to discuss potential changes in income, especially if one of you is planning a career change, going back to school, or taking time off to raise a family. Understanding these factors will help you plan for the future and avoid financial surprises.

6. What do you prioritise spending money on?

Every person has different financial priorities, and these often reflect their values. Perhaps your partner enjoys spending money on travel, while you prefer saving for a home. Understanding these priorities will help you create a financial plan that accommodates both your desires without causing friction.

For example, if your future husband loves to spend on gadgets and your passion is fashion, discussing whether your combined income can support both interests is key. Compromise and communication are the foundations of any healthy financial relationship.

You could also use this conversation to discuss how you’ll approach discretionary spending in general. Will you have personal spending accounts, or will every expenditure be discussed? Setting expectations early on will help prevent future disagreements.

7. What are your expectations for managing money in marriage?

Will you have joint or separate bank accounts? How will you split the bills? These are some of the practical questions you’ll need to address before you get married. Some couples find that keeping separate accounts for personal spending works best, while others prefer to pool all their resources.

You should also discuss having an emergency fund. An emergency fund is a financial safety net that can cover unexpected expenses, such as medical bills or car repairs. Establishing this early in your marriage will provide peace of mind.

Furthermore, setting expectations around shared expenses like holidays, large purchases, and investments will ensure that you’re both on the same page. Perhaps one of you values maintaining separate finances to a degree, while the other is more comfortable with joint spending. Finding a balance that works for both of you is essential.

Read more: How to find financial success as a married couple

8. What is your credit score?

Credit scores play a huge role when applying for loans, mortgages, and even rental agreements. If your partner has a low credit score, it could impact your future ability to get credit.

Make sure both of you are aware of each other’s credit scores and, if needed, create a plan to improve them. It’s important to remember that credit scores aren’t set in stone – they can be worked on, and it’s better to do so sooner rather than later.

Credit repair might require joint efforts, such as paying off debt or managing credit cards carefully. Setting joint goals for improving credit can also strengthen your partnership and prevent financial issues in the future.

9. How much do you want to spend on the wedding?

Weddings can be expensive, and the costs can add up quickly. Some couples choose to spend lavishly, while others prefer a small, intimate ceremony. The key is to set a realistic budget and stick to it.

Do you want a grand celebration, or would you rather save some of the money for a honeymoon or a house deposit? Whatever your preference, ensure you are both comfortable with the financial implications of your wedding plans.

It’s important to agree on the financial aspects of the wedding to prevent future resentment. After all, your wedding day is just the beginning. It’s crucial that you start your marriage without significant financial stress from overspending on the event itself.

10. What are your long-term financial goals?

This is arguably one of the most important conversations you can have. Long-term financial goals might include buying a house, travelling the world, starting a family, or planning for retirement.

Aligning your goals will help you build a shared vision for your future together. If one of you wants to retire early while the other is focused on career advancement, it’s essential to find a middle ground.

Discuss not only your individual aspirations but also what you want to achieve as a couple. The satisfaction of working towards shared goals as a team will strengthen your relationship.

Bonus: How do you feel about prenuptial agreements?

Prenups are often a taboo topic, but they don’t have to be. A prenuptial agreement is simply a legal arrangement that outlines how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce.

It’s not about planning for failure but rather about ensuring both parties are protected. I get it, discussing a prenup can feel awkward. But it’s an important conversation to have, especially if one partner is entering the marriage with significantly more assets.

Money can be seen as a source of conflict in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be. By asking these essential questions and being open with each other, you can create a solid financial foundation for your marriage. The goal isn’t to find out who’s “right” or “wrong” but to build mutual understanding and work together towards financial harmony.

Marriage is a partnership, and your financial health is a significant part of that. These conversations might feel uncomfortable at first, but they will pay off in the long run by helping you avoid misunderstandings. This will also ensure that you are both working towards the same goals.

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