You’ve been married for years, maybe even decades. You love each other, you’ve built a life together, you’ve weathered storms side by side. But there’s one conversation you always avoid talking about: money.

Perhaps one of you handles all the bills while the other stays blissfully unaware. Maybe you’ve developed an unspoken agreement to just “not go there” to keep the peace. But deep down, you both know something needs to change. Whether you dream of helping your kids with university fees, building an emergency fund, or finally taking that anniversary trip you’ve been postponing, you’re realizing that these goals will remain just dreams unless you start having an honest and open conversation about money. The good news? It’s never too late to begin, and the transformation that comes from financial unity is worth every uncomfortable moment.

Why Christian Couples Avoid Money Conversations

After years of marriage, many Christian couples have developed patterns of financial silence. It’s not that they don’t care about money—quite the opposite. The silence often comes from fear: fear of conflict, fear of judgment, fear of discovering something unsettling, or fear of being told they need to change their spending habits.

Some couples operate under an unspoken division of labor where one spouse manages everything while the other remains disconnected. This might have worked in the early years, but as life grows more complex with children, aging parents, retirement concerns, and increasing expenses, this approach leaves both spouses feeling isolated. The one managing the money feels burdened and alone in their decisions, while the uninvolved spouse feels anxious and out of control.

For Christian couples, there’s an additional layer. You know what Scripture says about unity, stewardship, and managing resources wisely. The gap between what you know you should be doing and what you’re actually doing can create shame that makes it even harder to start Christian couples money conversations.

The Cost of Financial Silence

When Christian couples avoid money conversations, they pay a price that extends far beyond their bank accounts. Financial silence creates emotional distance. That dream vacation you both want? The security of knowing you could handle an emergency? The joy of generously supporting your church or a cause you care about? These remain out of reach not because you lack resources, but because you lack alignment.

Without regular Christian couples money conversations, you’re likely working against each other rather than together. One spouse saves diligently while the other spends freely, neither understanding the other’s perspective. Or both of you spend without a plan, hoping things will somehow work out, only to feel stressed when unexpected expenses arise.

Perhaps most painfully, financial silence robs you of dreaming together. When was the last time you sat down and talked about what you really want your financial future to look like? Not just paying bills and getting by, but actually thriving? Helping your children pursue their education without crippling debt? Building an emergency fund that lets you sleep peacefully at night? Planning that meaningful trip that keeps getting postponed?

These goals are completely achievable, but they require something you’ve been missing: intentional, regular conversations about money.

Read more: What’s a money date and why you should have one

Understanding Your Money Stories

Before you can have productive Christian couples money conversations, you need to understand that you each bring unique “money stories” into your marriage. These stories were written long before you said “I do.”

Your money story includes everything your parents taught you about finances, both explicitly and through their actions. Did your family talk openly about money, or was it taboo? Did you grow up with financial security or constant worry? Was money used as a tool for control, or as a means of generosity and freedom?

You also absorbed messages about money from your wider community, your church, and your culture. Some of you learned that talking about money is unspiritual or greedy. Others heard that debt is always sinful, or that wealth is a sign of God’s blessing. These inherited beliefs shape how you view money today, often unconsciously.

The challenge in Christian couples money conversations is that you’re not just discussing numbers on a spreadsheet. You’re navigating two different money stories, two sets of assumptions, two emotional relationships with finances. What feels like irresponsible spending to one spouse might feel like reasonable enjoyment of life to the other. What seems like wise saving to one might feel like anxious hoarding to the other.

Understanding these money stories doesn’t mean you’ll automatically agree on everything. But it does mean you’ll approach your conversations with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment and frustration.

Where Are You Now, and Where Do You Want to Be?

Effective Christian couples money conversations start with honest assessment. Where are you financially right now? This isn’t about shame or blame. It’s about clarity. Do you know your total household income? Your monthly expenses? Your debt balances? Your savings?

Many couples who’ve avoided money conversations for years are surprised to discover they don’t actually know these basic facts. And that’s okay—awareness is the first step toward change.

But here’s what’s even more important: Where do you want to be? This is where Christian couples money conversations become truly powerful. Instead of focusing only on problems and limitations, you get to dream together about what financial thriving looks like for your family.

Maybe you want to support your children’s university education without them graduating with massive debt. Perhaps you’ve never had an emergency fund and the stress of living paycheck to paycheck is taking its toll on your peace and your marriage. Or maybe you’ve talked for years about taking a meaningful trip together—a second honeymoon, a mission trip, a journey to a place that’s significant to your family—but it never seems to happen.

These aren’t frivolous wants. They’re legitimate, God-honoring goals that reflect your values and priorities. But achieving them requires moving from vague wishes to concrete plans, and that only happens through consistent Christian couples money conversations.

Taking the First Steps: Practical Tips for Starting Money Conversations

If you’ve avoided talking about money for years, starting these conversations can feel daunting. Here are practical ways to begin:

Schedule a Specific Time: Don’t try to have money conversations in passing or during other stressful moments. Set aside dedicated time when you’re both relatively calm and unhurried. Make it a recurring appointment, perhaps monthly to start.

Start with Dreams, Not Problems: Your first few Christian couples money conversations should focus more on vision than on current difficulties. Talk about what you want your financial future to look like. What matters most to you? What goals excite you both? This positive framing makes the conversation feel less threatening.

Practice Curiosity, Not Criticism: When your spouse shares their perspective on money, resist the urge to immediately correct or judge. Ask questions to understand their money story. “Tell me more about why that’s important to you” is more productive than “That’s a waste of money.”

Acknowledge Your Patterns: If one of you has been handling everything while the other stayed uninvolved, name this pattern without blame. “I realize I’ve been managing all our money decisions, and that’s probably left you feeling out of the loop. I’d like us to be more of a team.” Or, “I know I’ve avoided dealing with our finances, and that’s put too much on you. I want to be more involved.”

Pray Together: Begin your Christian couples money conversations with prayer. Ask God for wisdom, unity, and grace for each other. Acknowledge that everything you have belongs to Him and you’re simply stewards of His resources.

Keep It Short at First: Your first conversation doesn’t need to solve everything. Thirty minutes of focused, positive dialogue is better than two hours of overwhelming detail. Build your stamina for these conversations gradually.

Creating Your Intentional Spending Plan Together

The goal of Christian couples money conversations isn’t just to talk—it’s to create a plan that reflects your shared values and moves you toward your goals. This is what I call an “intentional spending plan” rather than a restrictive budget.

An intentional spending plan acknowledges where your money is currently going and helps you redirect it toward what matters most to you as a couple. It’s not about deprivation; it’s about intentionality. Every dollar you spend should align with your values and bring you closer to your goals.

This is where many couples get stuck. They know they should have a plan, but creating one together feels overwhelming, especially after years of financial silence. How do you merge two different money stories into one coherent strategy? How do you honor both spouses’ priorities? How do you break old patterns and establish new, healthier ones?

When You Need More Than a Blog Post

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This all sounds great in theory, but we need help actually doing it,” you’re not alone. Many Christian couples recognize the importance of money conversations but struggle to translate good intentions into lasting change.

That’s exactly why I created the Financially Thriving Marriage coaching program. Over five weeks, we’ll work together to:

• Uncover your individual money stories and understand how your past shapes your present financial decisions
• Honestly assess where you are now financially without shame or judgment
• Clarify where you want to be and set meaningful money goals that reflect your values as a Christian couple
• Create a realistic plan for getting from where you are to where you want to be
• Develop an intentional spending plan that both of you can embrace

This isn’t about me telling you what to do with your money. It’s about facilitating the Christian couples money conversations you’ve been avoiding and giving you the tools to continue them long after our five weeks together. It’s about helping you finally get on the same financial page so you can stop just surviving financially and start truly thriving.

The Transformation Awaits

Here’s what I know after years of working with Christian couples: the discomfort of starting money conversations is temporary, but the benefits of financial unity last a lifetime. When you finally break the silence and start working together toward shared goals, everything changes.

You’ll experience less stress and more peace. You’ll make financial decisions with confidence instead of anxiety. You’ll stop wondering if you’ll ever achieve your goals and start actively working toward them. And most importantly, you’ll grow closer as a couple, united in purpose and vision.

The journey from financial silence to financial thriving begins with a single conversation. Will you start today?

Your Next Steps

If you’re ready to transform your money conversations and build the financially thriving marriage you’ve been longing for, I invite you to click here and schedule a call with me. Let’s explore how I can support you and your spouse in getting on the same financial page and creating the future you’ve been dreaming about together.