You’ve been married for years, maybe even decades. You love each other, you’ve built a life together, you’ve weathered storms side by side. But there’s one conversation you always avoid talking about: money.

Perhaps one of you handles all the bills while the other stays blissfully unaware. Maybe you’ve developed an unspoken agreement to just “not go there” to keep the peace. But deep down, you both know something needs to change. Whether you dream of helping your kids with university fees, building an emergency fund, or finally taking that anniversary trip you’ve been postponing, you’re realizing that these goals will remain just dreams unless you start having an honest and open conversation about money. The good news? It’s never too late to begin, and the transformation that comes from financial unity is worth every uncomfortable moment.

Why Christian Couples Avoid Money Conversations

After years of marriage, many Christian couples have developed patterns of financial silence. It’s not that they don’t care about money—quite the opposite. The silence often comes from fear: fear of conflict, fear of judgment, fear of discovering something unsettling, or fear of being told they need to change their spending habits.

Some couples operate under an unspoken division of labor where one spouse manages everything while the other remains disconnected. This might have worked in the early years, but as life grows more complex with children, aging parents, retirement concerns, and increasing expenses, this approach leaves both spouses feeling isolated. The one managing the money feels burdened and alone in their decisions, while the uninvolved spouse feels anxious and out of control.

For Christian couples, there’s an additional layer. You know what Scripture says about unity, stewardship, and managing resources wisely. The gap between what you know you should be doing and what you’re actually doing can create shame that makes it even harder to start Christian couples money conversations.

The Cost of Financial Silence

When Christian couples avoid money conversations, they pay a price that extends far beyond their bank accounts. Financial silence creates emotional distance. That dream vacation you both want? The security of knowing you could handle an emergency? The joy of generously supporting your church or a cause you care about? These remain out of reach not because you lack resources, but because you lack alignment.

Without regular Christian couples money conversations, you’re likely working against each other rather than together. One spouse saves diligently while the other spends freely, neither understanding the other’s perspective. Or both of you spend without a plan, hoping things will somehow work out, only to feel stressed when unexpected expenses arise.

Perhaps most painfully, financial silence robs you of dreaming together. When was the last time you sat down and talked about what you really want your financial future to look like? Not just paying bills and getting by, but actually thriving? Helping your children pursue their education without crippling debt? Building an emergency fund that lets you sleep peacefully at night? Planning that meaningful trip that keeps getting postponed?

These goals are completely achievable, but they require something you’ve been missing: intentional, regular conversations about money.

Read more: What’s a money date and why you should have one

Understanding Your Money Stories

Before you can have productive Christian couples money conversations, you need to understand that you each bring unique “money stories” into your marriage. These stories were written long before you said “I do.”

Your money story includes everything your parents taught you about finances, both explicitly and through their actions. Did your family talk openly about money, or was it taboo? Did you grow up with financial security or constant worry? Was money used as a tool for control, or as a means of generosity and freedom?

You also absorbed messages about money from your wider community, your church, and your culture. Some of you learned that talking about money is unspiritual or greedy. Others heard that debt is always sinful, or that wealth is a sign of God’s blessing. These inherited beliefs shape how you view money today, often unconsciously.

The challenge in Christian couples money conversations is that you’re not just discussing numbers on a spreadsheet. You’re navigating two different money stories, two sets of assumptions, two emotional relationships with finances. What feels like irresponsible spending to one spouse might feel like reasonable enjoyment of life to the other. What seems like wise saving to one might feel like anxious hoarding to the other.

Understanding these money stories doesn’t mean you’ll automatically agree on everything. But it does mean you’ll approach your conversations with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment and frustration.

Where Are You Now, and Where Do You Want to Be?

Effective Christian couples money conversations start with honest assessment. Where are you financially right now? This isn’t about shame or blame. It’s about clarity. Do you know your total household income? Your monthly expenses? Your debt balances? Your savings?

Many couples who’ve avoided money conversations for years are surprised to discover they don’t actually know these basic facts. And that’s okay—awareness is the first step toward change.

But here’s what’s even more important: Where do you want to be? This is where Christian couples money conversations become truly powerful. Instead of focusing only on problems and limitations, you get to dream together about what financial thriving looks like for your family.

Maybe you want to support your children’s university education without them graduating with massive debt. Perhaps you’ve never had an emergency fund and the stress of living paycheck to paycheck is taking its toll on your peace and your marriage. Or maybe you’ve talked for years about taking a meaningful trip together—a second honeymoon, a mission trip, a journey to a place that’s significant to your family—but it never seems to happen.

These aren’t frivolous wants. They’re legitimate, God-honoring goals that reflect your values and priorities. But achieving them requires moving from vague wishes to concrete plans, and that only happens through consistent Christian couples money conversations.

Taking the First Steps: Practical Tips for Starting Money Conversations

If you’ve avoided talking about money for years, starting these conversations can feel daunting. Here are practical ways to begin:

Schedule a Specific Time: Don’t try to have money conversations in passing or during other stressful moments. Set aside dedicated time when you’re both relatively calm and unhurried. Make it a recurring appointment, perhaps monthly to start.

Start with Dreams, Not Problems: Your first few Christian couples money conversations should focus more on vision than on current difficulties. Talk about what you want your financial future to look like. What matters most to you? What goals excite you both? This positive framing makes the conversation feel less threatening.

Practice Curiosity, Not Criticism: When your spouse shares their perspective on money, resist the urge to immediately correct or judge. Ask questions to understand their money story. “Tell me more about why that’s important to you” is more productive than “That’s a waste of money.”

Acknowledge Your Patterns: If one of you has been handling everything while the other stayed uninvolved, name this pattern without blame. “I realize I’ve been managing all our money decisions, and that’s probably left you feeling out of the loop. I’d like us to be more of a team.” Or, “I know I’ve avoided dealing with our finances, and that’s put too much on you. I want to be more involved.”

Pray Together: Begin your Christian couples money conversations with prayer. Ask God for wisdom, unity, and grace for each other. Acknowledge that everything you have belongs to Him and you’re simply stewards of His resources.

Keep It Short at First: Your first conversation doesn’t need to solve everything. Thirty minutes of focused, positive dialogue is better than two hours of overwhelming detail. Build your stamina for these conversations gradually.

Create Your Monthly Budget Planner Together

The goal of Christian couples money conversations isn’t just to talk—it’s to create a plan that reflects your shared values and moves you toward your goals.

An Intentional Spending Plan acknowledges where your money is currently going and helps you redirect it toward what matters most to you as a couple. It’s not about deprivation; it’s about intentionality. Every dollar you spend should align with your values and bring you closer to your goals.

Stop Fighting About Money. Start Building Together.

You love your spouse. But when it comes to money? It feels like you’re speaking different languages.

One of you wants to save. The other wants to spend. Every financial decision becomes a negotiation—or worse, a fight you avoid altogether.

Here’s the truth: You don’t need more willpower. You need a plan you both actually believe in.

The Create an Intentional Spending Plan coaching program gives you exactly that: complete financial alignment, a personalized plan that honors both your priorities, and the confidence to make decisions together without the tension.

No shame. No judgment. Just the financial peace and partnership you’ve been craving.

Click HERE to Schedule Your Planning Session

Here’s What Changes:

You’ll wake up knowing exactly where your money is going—and feeling good about it. Financial decisions become easy because you’re finally on the same team. Those goals that felt impossible? You’re making real progress, together. And your marriage gets stronger because money stops being a source of conflict and becomes an area where you truly thrive as partners.

What’s included: One 60-minute planning session, your customized spending plan, and a 30-day follow-up to lock in your success.

This program is for Christian couples who are done surviving financially and ready to build the thriving life God has called you to.

Get Started Today