Talking about money with your spouse might be one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have. You know you need to do it, but every time you think about bringing it up, something stops you. The moment passes. You tell yourself “later” or “when things calm down” or “it’s not the right time.”

Can you resonate?

I see this all the time with the couples I coach. But I also lived it myself.

My husband and I were married for 18 years before we got on the same financial page. For nearly two decades, we avoided real money conversations – and it nearly cost us everything.

Let me tell you what I learned about why we avoid talking about money, what that avoidance costs, and how to finally break the silence.

Why We Avoid Talking About Money With Our Spouse

Most couples avoid talking about money – and it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because money conversations feel loaded with shame, judgment, and overwhelm.

Here’s what I mean:

1. Shame: “We’re not handling this well”

There’s a deep sense of shame when you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water financially.

Living paycheck to paycheck. Putting emergencies on the credit card. No plan for the future.

It feels like you’re “doing it wrong” – and admitting that out loud to your spouse? That’s terrifying.

So instead, you stay silent. You pretend it’s fine. You hope it’ll somehow get better on its own.

But the shame doesn’t go away. It just gets heavier.

2. Judgment: “What will they think of me?”

Money conversations feel risky because we’re afraid of being judged.

For men especially, there’s this unspoken pressure: “I should be providing. I’m the man of the house. If we’re struggling, what does that say about me?”

My husband felt this deeply. He was totally overwhelmed when it came to talking about money. It wasn’t that he didn’t care – it was that his upbringing shaped how he saw money, and talking about it felt like exposing his failures.

And so the conversation gets avoided because it feels like admitting failure.

But here’s the truth: avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect you from judgment. It just creates distance.

3. Overwhelm: “There’s too much going out and not enough coming in”

Sometimes we avoid talking about money because we’re overwhelmed by the reality of our situation.

Too much going out. Not enough coming in. And no idea how to fix it.

When the problem feels too big, it’s easier to shut down than to face it. So you don’t talk about it. You just… survive.

What That Avoidance Cost My Marriage (And What It’s Costing Yours)

For 18 years, my husband and I didn’t talk about money properly.

And here’s what that silence created:

I became the “adult.” He became the “child.”

I was bossy and controlling because I didn’t understand that he was overwhelmed and reluctant to talk about money because of his money story – how he was brought up.

I would save and be sensible with money. He would spend, put things on credit cards with no plan to pay them off. He was generous – sometimes giving money away even when we didn’t have enough to put food on the table.

We weren’t on the same financial page. We weren’t a team. And the resentment was building on both sides.

By 2018, I realized: we couldn’t continue like this.

Here’s what silence costs couples:

• You’re not on the same financial page. One person feels in control, the other feels in the dark. Or worse – neither of you knows what’s really going on.
• Financial problems get worse, not better. Living paycheck to paycheck without a plan means emergencies keep piling up on credit cards. The debt grows. The stress grows.
• One person becomes the “adult” and the other feels like a child. When only one person manages the money, resentment builds on both sides. The manager feels burdened. The other feels infantilized.
• You’re missing out on the power of teamwork. Two people working together toward the same goal will always move faster than one person carrying the load alone.

The cost of silence is higher than the discomfort of the conversation.

How We Finally Started Talking About Money (And What Changed)

In 2018, I made a decision: I had to learn how and when to talk to my husband about money.

It wasn’t easy. I’m someone who wants things done yesterday. But I had to learn:

• Timing matters. There’s a good time to talk about money and a bad time. I had to be patient and pick the right moments.
• Non-judgment is everything. I had to stop being bossy and controlling. I had to create a safe space where he didn’t feel attacked.
• Small steps count. We didn’t fix everything overnight. But we started talking. Honestly. Openly.

And then in 2021, something shifted. He listened to the audio book The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and everything changed. After listening to the book, he said, “Ok, let’s do this.” Meaning: let’s work together to get out of debt. That book changed our lives.

We’re not perfect. But we’re in a much better situation than before.

Now we talk often. We celebrate small wins together. We work as a team.

And the Bible says it perfectly: two are better than one.

Want help getting started? I created an eBook called How to Get on the Same Financial Page as Your Spouse with practical steps you can take today. Click HERE and download your FREE copy today!

How to Start Talking About Money With Your Spouse

If you’ve been avoiding the money conversation, I want you to know: you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re just stuck.

And the way out isn’t to keep avoiding it. The way out is to take the first step – together.

Here’s what worked for us:

1. Pick the right time. Don’t bring up money when you’re tired, stressed, or in the middle of a crisis. Choose a calm moment.

2. Create a non-judgmental environment. This isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding each other’s money stories and working together.

3. Start small. You don’t have to solve everything at once. Ask one question. Share one concern.

4. Talk often. One conversation won’t fix everything. Make it a regular habit.

5. Celebrate small wins. Every step forward is progress. Acknowledge it together.

Read more: Celebrate the small wins!

Because the sooner you start talking, the sooner you can start building the financial future you both want.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

I know how hard it is to start talking about money with your spouse. I lived it for 18 years.

But I also know what’s possible when you finally break the silence.

If you’re ready to get on the same financial page, I’m here to help.

Are you ready to start having positive money conversations? Click HERE to schedule a free 15-minute call and let’s talk about how I can help you and your spouse build a plan that works for both of you – without the judgment, without the overwhelm, just teamwork.