Twenty years ago, we thought we were being responsible. We attended marriage preparation classes, we had marriage mentors and we even met with a financial advisor. But somehow, no one told us the most important thing: we needed to have practical conversations about money. We needed to budget – together.

Looking back, we made some pretty significant mistakes that created tension in our marriage and honestly, didn’t reflect well on our witness as Christians. If you’re a Christian couple struggling with money conversations or wondering why your finances feel chaotic, our story might sound familiar.

Mistake #1: We Never Talked About Money (And It Showed)

The biggest mistake we made was assuming we were on the same financial page without ever having that conversation. Wayne likes to spend money and struggles to keep it. I’m more of a natural saver. But we never discussed this fundamental difference.

Three months into our marriage, I discovered Wayne had completely rebuilt his credit card debt after I had helped clear it as a “fresh start” wedding gift. When I asked him why, his answer floored me: “For the points!”

The interest he was paying was far more than any points he could possibly earn. That’s when I realized we weren’t just dealing with a spending problem – we had a communication problem.

What We Learned: You can’t manage money together if you’re not talking about it together. Every couple needs to understand each other’s money personality before major financial decisions.

Biblical Principle: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

Read more: How to talk about money

Mistake #2: We Let Pride Get in the Way of Practical Solutions

Wayne felt tremendous pressure as the “man of the house” to provide for me, his wife. Working as a youth worker on a low salary, he kept telling himself he could sort out our finances alone. Meanwhile, our debt kept growing.

Every time I tried to bring up budgeting or financial planning, it turned into an argument. Wayne saw my involvement as questioning his ability to provide and I felt shut out of decisions that affected both of us.

What We Learned: Biblical headship doesn’t mean handling finances in isolation. True leadership in marriage means making decisions together and being transparent about challenges.

Biblical Principle: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Mistake #3: We Avoided the Hard Conversations

For months, we couldn’t talk about money without arguing. So we just… didn’t. Bills got paid, debt accumulated and we both felt frustrated but didn’t know how to break the cycle.

The turning point came when I discovered Dave Ramsey on YouTube. His common-sense approach to money made me think, “Why hasn’t someone told us this before?” I started playing his content loudly in the lounge where I knew Wayne could hear it from his office. (Yes, I was being strategic!)

After a few months of this “gentle persuasion,” Wayne finally listened to “The Total Money Makeover” audiobook. That’s when everything changed, he was finally ready to tackle our finances together.

What We Learned: Sometimes you need an outside voice to break through when direct conversations aren’t working. Don’t be afraid to seek wisdom from financial teachers who align with your values.

Biblical Principle: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)

Our First Step Toward Financial Unity

Once Wayne was “in,” the first thing we did was sit down and share everything, all our bank account balances and every credit card amount. It was scary but necessary.

I was surprised by some of the debt Wayne had accumulated, but seeing the complete picture finally allowed us to work as a team. We committed to paying off that debt together and I learned how to keep him accountable without being his financial mother.

What Actually Worked: Monthly Budget Meetings

The game-changer was budgeting together every month. These weren’t lectures or confrontations, they were celebrations. We’d look at wins, encourage each other and plan for the month ahead.

Even when we only paid down $50 in debt, we celebrated because we were moving in the right direction. I had to learn how to say “well done” without sounding patronizing and Wayne learned to see these meetings as partnership, not policing.

What We Learned: Regular financial check-ins create accountability and celebration, not conflict. Small wins build momentum toward bigger goals.

Read more: How to create a budget in 6 easy steps

How This Journey Strengthened Our Faith

Going through financial struggles together actually deepened our relationship with God in unexpected ways. We learned to pray about everything, from major purchases to monthly budget decisions. Instead of keeping up with others at church, we became grateful for what we have.

We’ve had meaningful conversations about giving, tithing and how our spending should reflect our values as Christians. Our money decisions now align with our faith instead of working against it.

Biblical Principle: “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6)

Questions Christian Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

Looking back, we realize no one told us to have these crucial money conversations before marriage. Here are the questions we wish someone had encouraged us to discuss:

Safe Starter Questions:

• Are you naturally a saver or a spender?
• If you won $50,000 tomorrow, what would you do with it?
• What’s your earliest memory involving money?
• What did your parents teach you about money?

Deeper Financial Values Questions:

• How do you feel about debt?
• What does biblical stewardship mean to you?
• How should we approach tithing and giving?
• What are your biggest financial fears?
• What financial goals do you have for our first year of marriage?

Read more: 10 money questions that you should ask before you get married

Our Advice for Struggling Christian Couples

If you’re in that place where one spouse is spending secretly and you can’t talk about money without fighting, here’s what I want you to know:

Start with honesty and transparency. When you get married, you become a team. Whatever your family taught you about money, you’re creating a new family now with new financial habits and goals.

Don’t let pride sabotage your partnership. Biblical leadership in marriage means making decisions together, not handling everything alone.

Find a financial teacher you both respect. Sometimes an outside voice can break through when direct conversations fail. Dave Ramsey worked for us, but find someone whose approach aligns with your values. If you’d like to explore the financial coaching route, please do give me a call, click this link to schedule a time that works for you!

Celebrate small wins together. Every step in the right direction deserves recognition. Building momentum matters more than making giant leaps.

Remember you’re on the same team. Your spouse isn’t your enemy – debt, poor communication and lack of planning are the real problems.

The Joy of Financial Teamwork

Today, our finances reflect our values and our faith. We dream big together, plan carefully and celebrate wins as a team. Money conversations that once ended in arguments now end in prayer and excitement about our future.

Creating and crushing money goals together has brought us closer as a couple and closer to God. It’s also given us a platform to help other couples avoid the mistakes we made.

If we could go back and give our newly married selves one piece of advice, it would be this: Talk about money! Be honest, be open and don’t hide anything. When you get married, you’re a team and it’s a great time to get on the same financial page and create your money goals together. It’s also a great time to dream big!

Remember, every strong marriage requires intentional communication about money. Don’t let pride, fear, or past mistakes keep you from the financial unity God wants for your marriage.

Ready to Transform Your Marriage Through Financial Unity?

If our story resonates with you, you don’t have to figure this out alone. After helping many Christian couples move from financial chaos to confident teamwork, I know exactly what it takes to break through the money barriers that are creating tension in your marriage.

Maybe you’re tired of the same arguments about spending. Perhaps you’re frustrated because one of you is secretly using credit cards while the other feels completely shut out of financial decisions. Or maybe you’re both good people who love God, but you just can’t seem to get on the same page about money.

Here’s what I know: When Christian couples learn to handle money God’s way, everything changes. Not just your bank account – your communication, your trust, your ability to dream together, and yes, even your intimacy.

Click here to book a FREE 15-minute call with me where we’ll:

✅ Identify the #1 thing sabotaging your financial unity (it’s usually not what you think!)

✅ Create a clear roadmap for your next 30 days so you can start seeing progress immediately

✅ Discover how to have money conversations that bring you closer together instead of driving you apart

✅ Explore whether my proven system for Christian couples could help you achieve the financial teamwork and peace you’re craving

This isn’t about budgeting tips you can Google. This is about transforming the way you and your spouse relate to money so you can build the abundant, generous life God designed for your marriage.

BOOK YOUR FREE CALL HERE

Don’t let another month go by with the same money stress, the same arguments, and the same feeling that you’re working against each other instead of together. Your marriage deserves better and so do you.

P.S. – These calls book up quickly because when couples are ready for change, they don’t wait. If you’re serious about creating financial unity in your marriage, grab your spot now.