Your money story plays a bigger role in your relationship than you might realise. In this blog, we’ll explore how your individual money stories shape your financial behaviours, why they often clash with your partner’s, and how understanding these stories can help you build a stronger, more harmonious financial future together.

A question I hear all the time is:
“Why can’t we talk about money without arguing?”

You’re not alone. In fact, one of the top reasons given for divorce is money – whether it’s arguing about it, keeping secrets around it, or simply holding mismatched opinions about it.

Why is money so hard to navigate as a couple?

It comes down to this: we’re all different when it comes to money. Each of us carries a unique money story – a narrative shaped by the experiences, observations, and messages about money we’ve absorbed throughout our lives.

Incredibly, your money story begins before you’re even born. The circumstances your parents faced while preparing for your arrival can influence their financial outlook, which in turn shapes your early money messages.

Our Early Money Stories Shape Us

The most formative part of our money story takes place in childhood. During those years, we’re like little sponges, soaking up every experience and message about money from our environment.

• Were your parents savers or spenders?
• Was money abundant or scarce?
• Did you overhear arguments about finances, or was it a topic avoided altogether?

These moments combine to form the beliefs and emotions we carry into adulthood, shaping how we manage, view, and react to money.

And here’s the twist: your partner has their own money story too. And chances are, it’s different from yours.

Why We Trigger Each Other

If you’ve ever noticed that a simple comment about money sparks an unexpected reaction in your partner—or vice versa—it’s likely because one of you has unknowingly hit a nerve tied to your money story.

Think about it:

• Why did that seemingly innocent remark upset them?
• Why do certain money conversations leave you feeling tense or frustrated?

These reactions often stem from deeply rooted beliefs or emotions about money. Taking the time to explore the why behind them is crucial.

The Third Money Story

When you and your partner came together, you started creating a third money story. This is the financial narrative you’re building as a couple.

But here’s the thing: understanding the first two volumes—yours and theirs—can help you co-write a more harmonious and successful story together.

Read more: Tips for couples to talk about money.

My Own Story

Let me share why this topic is so close to my heart. For the first 18 years of our marriage, my husband and I didn’t talk about money. Not really. We managed bills and expenses, but we never addressed the deeper issues or uncovered the roots of our money beliefs.

The result? Nearly two decades of financial stress, misunderstanding, and missed opportunities.

It wasn’t until we made the brave decision to open up and explore our individual money stories that everything changed. We learnt to communicate, empathise, and align our financial goals. That journey transformed not just our finances, but our relationship too.

That’s why I’m so passionate about helping other couples avoid the struggles we faced and discover the joy of financial harmony sooner.

Your Next Step

How about planning a dedicated evening together to start this conversation? Make it enjoyable—perhaps a glass of wine, some candles, and an open heart.

But here’s the key: focus on stories, not numbers.

Ask each other questions like:

• What was it like growing up in your family?
• How did your parents handle money?
• Were you surrounded by feelings of scarcity or abundance?
• What phrases about money did you hear growing up?
  • “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
  • “We can’t afford it.”
  • “You’re rubbish with money.”

It’s important to remember here that this conversation isn’t about judgment; it’s about understanding.

Build a Happier Financial Future

By learning about each other’s money stories, you’ll unlock new levels of understanding and connection. Together, you can create a third money story—one filled with trust, teamwork, and a shared vision for your future.

Ready to take the first step?

Download your free eBook, How To Get On The Same Financial Page As Your Spouse, here. It’s packed with tips to help you and your partner align your finances and start your own journey towards financial success.

Let’s work together to ensure your money story has a happy ending!