I get it. For many people, money is not an exciting topic and it’s not top of everyone’s agenda of things to talk about.  

Money can be a stressful topic that we often want to avoid. 

And this is especially true when we have been taught that money is not a topic of conversation that we should talk about. 

Of course, we know that avoiding the topic isn’t going to make it go away. 

Money issues are one of the main reasons of divorce, so if you can talk about money and get on the same financial page, then surely that’s a good thing and worth it too! 

And, if you know me, you know that I am talking from 100% personal experience. My husband and I got on the same financial page after being married for over 18 years – what a waste of time! 

I became a Financial Coach to spread the word that talking about money isn’t a bad thing! We need to dispel that myth! I know that when you are on the same financial page as your spouse, it’s a game changer for your marriage. 

If we can talk about money – without arguing – then so can you! Read on to find out what a money date is and why you need one! 

As a Finance Coach, I help people with their finances. I help them to budget, see where they are at and help them to build a better financial future for themselves. 

It’s my aim in life to help couples get on the same financial page. It’s a real privilege to support couples as they start working together to create and crush their money goals, as a team. 

In my experience, once people start talking about money, the easier it gets. 

Once you sit down and budget, you feel more in control and can make a plan on how to improve your finances. 

What is a money date?

A money date is a time for you and your partner to spend time and look at the budget. It’s a time where you can dream and make a plan! 

It’s a time that’s either been booked in the diary or semi booked in. By this I mean that some people won’t like the structure of a formal meeting, so you have to be flexible! With my husband, we agree that we’ll sit down and review the budget over the weekend. And we do. It’s just that a formal ‘meeting’ doesn’t suit us – and you need to remember that personal finance is personal and everyone is different. 

Money gives you options. It gives you choices. It helps you to reach your goals. 

By getting on the same page as your spouse, you are working as a team. You create and crush your money goals together. 

Why do you need a money date?

It may not be your first choice on how to spend your time, but a money date is important if you are going to be in control of your finances as a team. 

I see many couples where just one spouse has control of the money. The other has little or no clue on what their financial situation is. The partner who doesn’t have access to the financial picture may assume that their spouse has the same money values as they do. This can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. This is clearly not a good sign as it can create stress and tension in the relationship. 

By working together, you have a good chance of making sure that you are both staying on top of personal finances, as a team. 

When you are married, it’s most likely that one of you is the money nerd and that’s ok. But you both need to have equal say in your financial decisions. 

How do you start?

A great way to start a money conversation is to speak to your spouse when they are in a good mood. When they are singing is a great indicator that they are! 

You can bring up the idea by saying, “I’ve been thinking about ‘XY and Z’ and I’d love to see if we can afford it. Can we look at the bank balance over the weekend?

My top tip is to choose a time where you’re not in a hurry to leave the house, or before you are expecting guests to come over. 

Choose a time and a place where you can look over the numbers in a relaxed manner. I personally wouldn’t choose a restaurant, as we don’t want anyone listening in! We have found that the lounge, or kitchen table works best for us. 

You can prepare the budgeting tool of your choice. It could be a spreadsheet, an app, or pen and paper. You have to find something that works for you! 

You could try my Happy Couple’s Budgeting Tool, it’s completely FREE and super simple to use too! 

Read more: How to create a budget in 6 easy steps

The ‘meeting’ doesn’t have to be long. Just enough to see the picture, see where things are going well and where you could improve. 

A money date is where you look at the budget together, and tell your money where to go – rather than wondering where it went! 

The conversation may be tricky at first but as you continue to talk about money, it will become easier. 

Read more: How To Talk About Money

Talking about money doesn’t always have to be super serious. It can be a great time to have fun and dream! I encourage you to dream big! Plan on how you could become debt free, save for that dream holiday or save a deposit for a house. 

Where to start?

Start by looking at what’s going well. Congratulate yourselves on your savings or paying down debt. Compare your situation to a year ago and celebrate those wins. 

If you are struggling to find things to celebrate, then look for some small wins that can be achieved in the month ahead. Could you stop spending on your credit card? Can you open a bank account for your emergency fund? 

This will not only give you some short term money goals, but something to review in a few weeks time. Which means another money date where you and your partner can hold each other accountable…in a loving way of course!  

How often should couples have a money date?

As I have alluded to earlier, I recommend that you should have a money date at least once a month. We have our money date around pay day. Then we can plan for the month ahead. 

It’s worth having frequent money dates as it gives you a chance to talk open and honestly about your finances. 

Things that you may have agreed to before may not be working for you now. You could say, “On reflection, I don’t feel like X, Y or Z is working, can we find another way?”

By being open and honest, you are not letting something build up inside you that one day will explode, leaving your partner with no clue as to what just happened! 

What are some valuable topics to discuss? 

Here are a list of topics that may be worth discussing on your money date:

• Eliminating debt
• Deciding on how much you should save in an emergency fund
• Getting life insurance
• Check your credit scores and credit reports
• Saving for a dream holiday or a deposit on a house, or something else that’s fun!  

What not to do! 

Take it from me, it’s best not to complain or moan about how much your spouse is spending on gadgets or nights out. Try your best not to pick holes. Be aware of your tone of voice and your body language. 

Yes, you may be feeling anxious or frustrated but prepare yourself to manage those emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, walk away and calm down. You can pick the conversation up later. 

At the same time, if your money date is to go well, you don’t need your spouse to feel overwhelmed or bad about recent financial decisions that they have made. 

Your partner will see that for themselves in the numbers! 

This is a time to show grace and make a plan on how you can both work together to improve your finances. 

It’s also not a time to talk about what you each earn and who’s the main breadwinner. 

Talking about what you earn –  or don’t earn can be stressful and you don’t need that. 

Remember that creating a budget that works for you will take around three months. So don’t give up when the first month doesn’t go to plan. Be resilient and try again. 

You may have also forgotten to add things to the budget. This is completely normal so don’t beat yourself up about it. Just add another category line in your budget as you remember. 

If you can see a problem that you’d like to discuss, bring two possible solutions to the problem. 

It does no good at all if all you do is complain, so be a problem solver! Bring a solution to the problem!

Make it a rule – you can’t talk about problems unless you also have two solution ideas!

Have some fun!

You can start or end the conversation by asking some of the following questions: 

What do you enjoy spending money on the most?

If we won the lottery, what would be your top three priorities? 

Where would you like us to be financially in the next 5 years?

Summary

We are all aware that having money date nights are an important part of marriage. Make it a priority in your calendar. On these money dates you will be able to check in on how your finances are going and whether you are on track to meet your goals. 

Yes, it’s work but I know you will agree that marriages are worth the work! 

Let me know in the comments below how you get on, or, if you prefer, email me at hello@moneyandmarriage.net

P.S. Don’t forget to download my Happy Couples’ Budgeting Tool. It’s super simple to use AND it’s FREE!