Money can often cause significant strain on relationships, yet it remains one of the most difficult topics for couples to talk about. Research consistently shows that financial worries are a leading cause of stress in relationships. According to The Way We Are Now report, money issues are the biggest pressure on couples across the UK, with over a quarter admitting to experiencing financial stress.

Despite its profound impact on relationships, a surprising number of couples feel unable to talk about money openly. A 2019 Lloyds Bank report revealed that half of UK adults consider discussing money taboo, and 44% have actively avoided talking about finances with their partner. But in relationships, silence about money often causes more harm than good.

Why do couples shy away from talking about money? And how can couples work together to overcome the discomfort? Let’s explore why money conversations matter, the risks of avoiding them, and the steps you can take to turn money into a tool for connection, not conflict.

Why Is Money So Hard to Talk About?

The reasons that couples don’t talk about money are multifaceted. Surveys like the “2021 Couples & Money Study” by Fidelity Investments reveal that while most couples (71%) believe they communicate well about money, deeper investigation reveals significant gaps in alignment.

For example, in the same study:

44% argue about money at least occasionally.

40% don’t know how much their partner earns.

51% disagree about how much money they need to retire.

Similarly, a 2022 survey by OnePoll for Questis found that 56% of people think money is still a taboo topic, yet 81% couldn’t explain where the taboo comes from. Factors like upbringing, cultural norms, and past financial experiences all play a role in shaping how we approach money discussions.

Your family background is a big part of this equation. Some families are open about money, teaching children to manage finances responsibly and involving them in financial decisions. Others keep money matters private, passing down the idea that discussing finances is inappropriate or even rude. If you and your partner grew up with different attitudes toward money, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflict in adulthood.

The Risks of Avoiding Money Conversations as a Couple

When couples avoid talking about money, it can lead to long-term issues such as mismatched goals, secrecy, or even financial abuse. Here are a few common challenges that arise when money is left off the table:

1. Conflict Over Joint Accounts

Joint accounts are often seen as a milestone in relationships, representing trust and commitment. But they can also spark tension. Disagreements over who contributes what, how much each partner can spend, or whether purchases require mutual approval can quickly escalate.

If one partner earns significantly more than the other, the situation becomes even trickier. Differing financial contributions may lead to feelings of inequity or resentment, especially if one partner feels they don’t have equal spending freedom.

2. Misaligned Financial Goals

Not knowing basics like your partner’s salary, spending habits, or views on retirement can hamper long-term planning. Imagine one partner saving diligently for a home deposit while the other spends freely, unaware of the shared goal. Without alignment, progress toward these goals becomes nearly impossible.

3. Financial Secrets

Financial secrecy—such as hiding debt, overspending, or even maintaining a separate, undisclosed account—is surprisingly common. Known as financial infidelity, this behaviour erodes trust and creates distance between partners.

4. Vulnerability to Financial Abuse

At its extreme, a lack of communication about money can give rise to financial abuse. This occurs when one partner controls or manipulates the other’s access to money. It might involve restricting spending, taking significant financial risks without consultation, or making the other partner feel powerless.

Avoiding money conversations doesn’t just create logistical problems; it can also damage the emotional foundation of your relationship.

Why it’s good for Couples To Talk About Money

The good news? Breaking the money taboo can significantly improve both your financial health and your relationship. A 2022 study found that couples who pool all their money report greater relationship satisfaction and lower breakup rates. Merging finances requires honesty, collaboration, and trust—qualities that strengthen both emotional and financial bonds.

Open communication about money also makes it easier to plan for the future. Couples who regularly talk about money are better equipped to handle challenges such as job loss, medical expenses, or unexpected emergencies. They’re also more likely to achieve shared goals, like buying a home, travelling, or building a comfortable retirement fund.

Understanding Your Emotional Relationship with Money

One of the best ways for couples to start talking about money is to explore your emotional relationship with finances. Money isn’t just about numbers; it’s deeply tied to our emotions and shaped by our upbringing. Reflect on the financial habits, beliefs, or anxieties you inherited from your parents. Were they open about money, or did they treat it as a private matter?

This process can be enlightening. For instance, you might realise you avoid spending because your parents were frugal during hard times, or that you overspend because you associate money with self-worth. Understanding these patterns can help you communicate more effectively with your partner and approach financial decisions with greater self-awareness.

Practical Steps to Open the Conversation

If you’re ready to start talking about money, here’s how to start:

1. Create a Safe Space

Schedule a time to talk about money when you’re both calm and free from distractions. Treat the conversation like a business meeting—focused, logical, and solution-oriented. Avoid placing blame or letting emotions take over.

2. Take Turns Speaking

Ensure both partners have the chance to express their views without interruptions. Listening is as important as speaking. For example, if your partner expresses anxiety about retirement savings, try to understand their concerns rather than immediately offering solutions.

3. Be Ready to Compromise

You may not agree on every point, but a willingness to meet in the middle can help prevent conflict. For example, if one partner prefers saving while the other wants to spend, agree on a budget that allows for both.

4. Draw Up a Plan

Don’t just talk—write down actionable steps you can take together. This might include setting up a joint savings account, creating a monthly budget, or scheduling regular money check-ins.

Get your simple to use, budget spreadsheet and start taking positive action today!

5. Make It Ongoing

Money is not a one-time conversation. Revisit the topic regularly to ensure you’re both on track and adjusting to changes in circumstances.

Read more: How to get on the same financial page as your spouse

Addressing Financial Abuse

While many money disagreements stem from different perspectives, some behaviours cross the line into financial abuse. This occurs when one partner uses money to control, undermine, or limit the other. Examples include restricting access to finances, making risky financial decisions without consent, or using shared funds irresponsibly.

If you suspect financial abuse in your relationship, seek help immediately. Recognising the signs is the first step to regaining financial independence and control.

Turning Money Into a Tool for Connection

Although the money taboo persists, there are signs that old norms are being challenged. The pandemic, for instance, encouraged many couples to talk more openly about day-to-day finances and long-term planning. For some, this newfound transparency helped alleviate financial stress and improve their relationships.

Couples who embrace financial transparency often find that money becomes a tool for connection rather than conflict. Shared financial goals, like saving for a holiday or paying off debt, can strengthen your bond and give you a sense of teamwork.

Here are a few fun ways to make money conversations more engaging:

Set Goals Together: Create a vision board for your financial dreams, whether it’s buying a home, travelling, or retiring early.

Read more: Setting Financial Goals

Gamify Your Finances: Turn saving money into a challenge, like seeing who can save the most in a month.

Read more: Gamify your finances

Celebrate Milestones: When you reach a financial goal, celebrate together—whether it’s a fancy dinner or a simple movie night.

Read more: Celebrate the small wins

The Bottom Line

The Bottom Line

Talking about money is challenging, but it’s vital for a healthy relationship. For years, my husband and I didn’t talk about money at all. Nearly two decades went by with us avoiding the topic, and as you can imagine, that silence created financial stress and a lot of tension in our marriage.

It wasn’t easy to break the habit of avoidance, but when we finally started having honest conversations about our finances, something amazing happened. Not only did we begin to take control of our money together, but we also found a deeper connection as a couple. The simple act of talking—sharing our fears, goals, and plans—brought us closer and made us stronger as a team.

Since then, managing our finances has shifted from being a source of stress to a way to support our dreams and strengthen our partnership. We’ve discovered the joy of working together toward shared goals, and it’s had such a positive impact on every part of our marriage.

Take it from me, the sooner you start the conversation, the sooner you can build a stronger foundation—for your finances and your relationship.

If you’d like to find out how I can help you discover financial success as a couple, leave a comment below, and let’s schedule a complimentary call this week. All of the couples that have worked with me have left with a much stronger, positive plan on how to get a handle on their finances together—as a team.